I did it. I graduated! It marks the ending of another chapter of my life. the end to another beginning if you will. I don’t feel like writing a long post about everything I did at the senior party because i don’t need to. The memories I made and the happiness I felt are hopefully things i’ll keep forever. And i’m just so fucking tired.
-The haunted house which me, ann & katherine literally fell out of was hysterical. Also the hypnosis show was the highlight. Blake olsen i just cant.
I feel like what best encapsulates my thoughts & feelings are this song. So i’m going to post the lyrics.
Surrounded by familiar faces, the people that you love to see
Where everybody knows your name, and they’re smiling
We may not be gettin’ younger, our days might be slippin’ away
Yeah we’re still so fucking young, so we’ll party like it’s our last day
And for the first time, I feel less alone
And for the first time, I can call this home
It’s our last time, to say goodnight
Don’t say goodbye, ‘cause in the morning we’ll
we’ll see you around
And we’ll sing it again, same time tomorrow, yeah we’ll all join in
I’m ashamed of feeling down now
‘Cause we’re the people we’ve been waiting on
All we needed was some good friends
And a song to sing a long
With voices yelling in the front room
No one could tell us keep it down
So we all just kept it loud, and tried to wake the entire town
And for the first time, I feel less alone
And for the first time, I can call this home
It’s our last time, to say goodnight
Don’t say goodbye, ‘cause in the morning we’ll
we’ll see you around
And we’ll sing it again, same time tomorrow, yeah we’ll all join in
Oh these days are numbered, but we can’t forget last summer
When we sang and threw our arms into the air
Go on and sing it out
Our days are numbered, and we know we’re not gettin’ younger
But it’s nights like these that make you not really care
We all have been degraded
We all have been the greatest
We all have been degraded
We all will be the greatest
Kiki Smith - Lilith, 1994 - Bronze, silicon, and glass.
“In medieval Jewish lore, Lilith was Adam’s first wife. When she demanded to be Adam’s equal, she was evicted from the Garden of Eden. Lilith flew away to the demon world, replaced by the more submissive Eve. Smith catches us off guard with Lilith’s pose and placement. Most sculptures receive our gaze passively, but Lilith stares back with piercing brown eyes, ready to pounce.”
hella dope
THANK YOU
my mother told me this story over and over when I was little
“Always be Lilith, never Eve”
Our days are numbered, we know we’re not gettin’ any younger
But it’s nights like these that make you not really care
-thanks for making this a great senior year. i love you guys
It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.
A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.
Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.
You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.
You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.
Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.
Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.
I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.
You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.
Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?
We shall see.
It’s nice to feel nice. to get out of the house and actually enjoy life with your friends. I forgot how wonderful this feeling is.
Today I went grad party hopping with what began with just me, ashley and brianna but then we all got separated and went with different people and I ended up going to Ann’s alone. Well it ended up being me, rayelle, ashley, brianna, cleo, and tyler are arriving. And then when we went to Chris’ party we saw taylor & emily so they just stuck with us while we went hopping. It was a successful grad hopping day.
Then current jam with ashley & ann which was nice. The fact that we’re all graduating in a week makes it all the more sentimental and sad. Even though i thought i hated high school, I’m really going to miss these people. well some of these people. But I guess it’s the same for everyone. You just gotta enjoy the moments and embrace what you have now. good night
I wish I was a stranger,
I wish we’d never met.
The shadow of a neighbor,
A mars black silhouette.
A figment of a vision,
Of washed out daffodils,
A dreamed hallucination,
A moment fate did kill.
I wish I hadn’t met you,
I wish we’d never spoke,
My body frozen over,
On vowels and verbs I’d choke.
My teeth would fall to pieces,
My tongue would turn to sand,
With nothing but a fable,
And my two empty hands.
Yet I am glad to have seen you,
To kiss your freckled skin,
Just wish I hadn’t hurt you,
And made a mess again.
“If you want everyone to like you, be mediocre. If you want someone to love you, be extraordinary.”
John O’Callaghan
The Maine - Forever Halloween Previews
I ripped them right off of iTunes so it’s pretty good quality
All of the previews are 1 minute and 30 seconds long.
1. Take What You Can Carry
2. Love & Drugs
3. Run
4. White Walls
5. Happy
6. Birthday in Los Angeles
7. Blood Red
8. Kennedy Curse
9. Sad Songs
10. F**ked Up Kids
11. These Four Words
12. Forever Halloween
